I behave self destructively, is that a bad thing?
We have all observed the over indulgent lifestyle of the rich and powerful and sat in judgement as they behave self destructively. We wonder how they can have a life where they seem to be living out their dream and and yet they are ruining it all.
What if it was never really their dream? What if the behaviors they are engaging in are really intended to destroy the false image they have created for themselves? The answer could be that their true self is fighting being taken over by their false self.
When we are growing up we need the adults around us to protect us. We rely on them to make us feel safe and taken care of. For many of us, the opposite happened. We experienced abuse and neglect and condemnation. So we learn strategies at an early age to protect ourselves. These strategies keep us safe and protect us but they shape who are and who we become as adults. They even protect us form ourselves.
Dreams Turn Into Nightmares
Every one of us has a dream of who we want to be someday. The only way to protect our dreams, was to protect the person who was to live them out. But because of abuse and neglect, our dream became a dangerous opening for chaos. The self that we unconciously began protecting, we now find ourselves destroying.
When we became an adult, those strategies are still protecting us. They are still in charge. Even though we are old enough, big enough and strong enough to protect ourselves, we are trapped in these walls of protection we’ve created. So we begin to fight against this person we’ve become. We know we can destroy them with unrestrained appetites for alcohol, sex, money or power.
Monsters In The Dark
When we realize that there are monsters lurking in our lives that we must slay, we have to learn how to fight them. Destroying ourselves with alcohol and over indulgence is no longer a viable option. We can only do this with God. There are Goliaths that can be slayed but there are Leviathans that only God can slay. For some of us we will just have to live with the Leviathan and stay clear of the waters that she swims in.